Saturday, May 20, 2006
choir
i know, recently, it has always been about choir this choir that and never about my studies, i've been sort of just getting by tutorials and lectures and everything in school, and when i go for choir, i'm in full attention. yes should not, i know, but i can't help it, lectures spped through everything, so i dono, put a note to go home to find out. okie. but school ends so late everyday, by the time i reach home+procrastinate a bit here and there, it's already 9-10 that i get home-most of the time because of choir. should i drop choir then? crazy! this is the best "subject" i do in school and besides, it's the only one that i'm really passionate about. sometimes i really wonder if i had just gone to poly....
today in particular so quite a bad day for me....
i woke up this morning a bit funny, erm different, just different.
okie i'm kinda the person that wakes up in the morning and believe that i something happens then the day is going to be crap. but anyways...
when i reached school at 7.50, i met cheng en- his father's car was like behind mine. ya. dono why wasn't particularlly happy to see him in the morning like other mornings. just felt a little different, but anyway we talked and everything.... then it was when we reached the choir room that it started to turn bad. there were like only 6 people there... i was kinda mad that the turn up was so little given that practice starts at 8... so i decided to put it aside and see what happens-
okie that point in time, i had really wanted the turn up to be very little so i can scold them all, if they were like very very late.
by the time 8 came, it felt like only half the choir was there, and i started to fume, so i sat at the table outside the door and started timing, and as the minutes past, my determination to do something evil grew, i was like growing horns or something.... by the time 8.15 came, i decided to just lock the doors so that anyone later would be locked out.... and i did....
standing there doing warm ups, i kinda felt prud that i made a step toward the discipline that i promised the choir when i ran for president. i thought it was quite a clear statement and my intention, purely to scare the people outside so that they would not be late again. but then one of the seniors outside msg her good friend in the room, who then asked me to open the door for her and i said no. my section leader, who they where all friends with, then asked me to open the door,
i said no... was trembling a bit.
then he commanded that i open the door. serious
i did not budge..
he then streched out his hand asking for the key and looked me dead in the eye... the tention in the rrom as many around us watched could be sliced with a knife.
(by the way he was president of Cat high choir, and he was scary)
reluctantly, i passed him the key, and with it a symbol of weakness, i was embaressed as vice-pres. embaressed infront of the whole choir. i just didn't want to pick a fight with him because and purely because he was my senior. but he chose to leave me stranded, he portried me as the one who did not think or feel, one who acted on rashness, and portraied he himself as the upright, for the people kind heroe that has the guts to go against "authority". and at that time i felt alone. so alone, although i was stand amongst 60 other people, i was alone.
naturally, choir practice followed what happened, all my seniors started to bouycort me, the friends that i thought i had. it was like history repeat itself, when ever i was vice-pres. of anything, people would always move away from me... and i thought JC had changed my life... well i guess i was wrong.... i guess this is the way that it all has to be the same thing over again....
you would be the one that everyone would critisise about your every move, well you are expected to be perfect... because you are the leader, you would be the one that everyone would turn off when you speak. you would be the one who they just say hi, and then walk away. and for me i didn't really mind that in any other situation, secondary school or primary, because i had a very ood support system, my friends would feel that same way and help me... they would be the ones who talk to me, care about me, ask me not to get so mad. but now, i don't have that system, i don't have anyone here with me.... and although my admin com is truly understanding of the situation, they do not care about how i feel after i have said something, i believe because they have their own support system. And so i'm alone.
.......
later that evening, i recieved a message that shocked me...
i'm re-evaluating if i should stay on in AJ...
i was like again?
then later
i'll be bringing my resignation letter when i meet the principal on monday....
i got so worried that i called him...
and we talked- Choir issues too sensative to mention here-
guys you know what i'm talking about... the rest i think you know. pls don tell anyone else.
Mrs cheong if by any chance you see this, most of the things should be revealed by monday evening itself.
the whole night was ruin, it was supposed to be for the SM2 scholars, but i just sat there half the time, stoning, because i didn't know what to do.... but either way, someone's going to get hurt, and i don't want to be a cause for that, but if nature should take it's cause, then everyone would get hurt..... i just ddn't know what to do....
kanerox scribbled at 11:21 PM
